{RELATIONSHIP} Being single, successful and fulfilled

There is nothing wrong about being single and successful and yet being fulfilled in relationship. For becoming a successful single woman, you paid a price. There­fore, to get the icing on the cake, a fulfilling relationship added to your portfolio of successes, you still have to pay the price but now the price of tactfulness, ego, adjust­ment and sacrifice.

There is no denying the fact that success puts you on a certain pedaestal. Your partner there­fore needs to match that pedestal not necessarily in terms of having money but in terms of intelligence, understanding, passion, and intel­lect. The idea is none of the part­ners will have a sense of inferior­ity. There must be something for which the woman looks up to the man that is the meaning of match­ing the pedestal. For instance, you may not have money but you may match her with a high level of in­telligence to the extent that she is confident that the difference in sta­tus will not breed any form of ten­sion.
There must be something ad­mirable about the man; something that commands the woman’s re­spect. With a high sense of integri­ty, you don’t have to shy away from relying on her financially when the need arises or when there is an ob­vious need to be. But do well to pay back any money borrowed and be sure she accepts. And make it your responsibility to take care of her according to your financial means. For instance, don’t say that because your wife is financially better than you, you would rely on her to pick all the bills. If you do that, you will not be matching her pedestal and that will breed tension.
Many people are tactless and that is why marriages fail. They may have genuine rights and de­mands but the mode of going for their right may be wrong. Nothing stops a woman from leaving her dreams to the hilt, but tactfulness is a necessary ingredient for sustain­ing a marriage; a strong affection may be the reason why a woman falls for you. It behooves you the man to try and improve yourself and once a woman sees that this man is trying his best, she should make the necessary adjustment. She will make that adjustment to avoid being perceived as insen­sitive and to avoid tension from brewing in the first place; being sensitive nips tension in the bud.
Being tactful however does mean a woman should deprive herself of life’s comfort as socie­ty dictates more often than not. In this part of the world, there is nothing wrong in a 20-year old man having a mansion of his own or even owning a business empire, and driving an expensive automo­bile. In fact, he’s regarded as being responsible at an early age. He be­comes a reference point in the so­ciety and his family is proud of him. But, let a single woman of 30 years with a striving career, manag­es to buy a brand new car and live in a 2-bedroom alone, she would be seen as a ‘runs-girl’ especially if she’s the liberal type that enter­tains visitors. If she’s the type that clearly does not receive visitors at home, some of the comments you are likely to hear even from ladies like her are, “How does she think she can get a man driving in such a car and living in a choice location like that?” Hmm, the thing never hold am, by the time she’s 40 and still single, she will start working on her legs. Maybe, she will find a man by then to make passes at her. Can you imagine such double standard? You must be living with your parents and working on legs before a man can see you as a wife material, really?
Yet, the same man, who feels intimidated by a successful wom­an, will get married and send his children including the girls, if he has any, to the same school as the boys and expects her to be bright in class just like any other boy in her class. He’s proud of her if she’s the best in class. He’s proud of her when she’s successful in her cho­sen field and expects her to find an equally successful man. In fact, he will be there to guide her to make sure the man in question is equally as successful if not even more suc­cessful. He forgets that he couldn’t come to terms with dating a highly successful lady. What a hypocrisy!
Ladies, strive to become the best in whatever you do. Just be­cause a successful lady somewhere ends up a mature single doesn’t mean you are going to be single like her if you become successful. So, for that reason, you are com­fortable been average. Rather than having a deep-rooted commitment to what you do which will bring about success and take you away from poverty, you romance medi­ocrity. Who said you can’t be suc­cessful and fulfilled in relationship/marriage? No successful man is looking for a mediocre to marry if he can get a respectful, successful lady. You can be a hairdresser, a tai­lor but if you are best at what you do, if you are no mediocre in your chosen field, you will be an admi­ration to men. Likewise, a man needs to make his wife admire him, that is what helps to sustain the marriage. And what will make a woman admire her husband is when he seems to know more than her. That is why he must en­deavour to improve him in terms of knowledge. A friend of mine who is a director in her office got married in her early ’40s. Despite her qualifications, she’s very dili­gent in church. Last year, she met and married this man with a rare sense of charisma. When he talks, you would listen because he com­mands your attention. In terms of money, he is nowhere close to her for now but he matches her and even surpasses her in terms of in­tellect and passion as both of them are pastors in my ministry. When she gets the rare opportunity to minister, she’s a fine preacher but nothing compared to her husband. When a woman finds these qual­ities in her man, trust me, mon­ey is secondary because with time, he will even match her in money.
Everything in life comes with a price. Even the food we eat on a daily basis, talking won’t trans­late into a meal. You have to pay the price of going into the kitch­en and cooking for yourself a de­licious delicacy. So, being success­ful should not be a barrier to being fulfilled in marriage; you just need to know the price to be paid. It is important that the man matches her in certain pedestal not neces­sarily in money like I earlier said, but not matching her at all in terms of those qualities I mentioned and depending on love alone to give you and your partners the much desired happiness and the fulfill­ment that you wish for, is not re­alistic.
Those things you ignore will later bring about tension in the home. For instance, a man meets an actress and falls in love with her and she loves him too. If the man doesn’t see any reason why she must sleep outside their home if she’s not out of station or on lo­cation, definitely, there will be ten­sion but if he matches you in un­derstanding, he knows that duty calls at times can warrant that you sleep out even within your city of residence and he will keep his cool. He just needs to trust her. But trust is not demanded, it is earned. The price to be paid in this case is that the woman needs to earn his trust. If he’s able to trust you, then his un­derstanding will take care of the rest. However, if he is not a man of understanding, even when you do not give him any reason to doubt you, there will still be tension. It means you either choose your ca­reer and lose him or vise versa.
Believe it or not, love alone is never enough. There are qual­ities which, if two people in a re­lationship lack, will make love to suffer. There is this popular soap opera Stray Cat, somehow I have become glued to it. It is centered on two lovers from two different backgrounds. They love each oth­er so much but the family of the guy who happens to be rich dislikes the idea of their son getting married to a girl from a very poor background. Their greatest challenge is not his parents’ insistence but the guy in question does not have a mind of his own and has lived all his life depending on his parents. That is a good scenario where love is not enough. It’s true that they love each other but he’s not a person of strong character who can take decision on his own. If they eventually get mar­ried, the same scenario of having to be pushed around by his par­ents will continue to play out in their marriage and this will bring about tension in the home.
Talking about being single, suc­cessful and fulfilled, it is not a re­serve of the male folk and it doesn’t stand in the way of a woman. A woman who is unsuccessful yet tactless will suffer the same fate as the one who is successful and tact­less too.

 Mercy Michael.