{RELATIONSHIP} I’m married to a chronic flirt

I need to fall out of love with someone
I am married with two kids, a boy and a girl and my husband is a very good man who does all he has to do as a husband and a father. But he has a problem, which I find very irritating. He flirts with women a lot and it seems as if it is addiction. For all the five years we have been married, this has been the problem and he doesn’t plan to stop. I keep seeing different mes­sages from women in his phone and this is driving me out of my mind. The worst thing is that I am preg­nant with my third child and I am afraid the worry will hurt my baby. I have never confronted him before because I do not know how to, but I am tired of keeping quiet. Can you help me here?

–Vanessa
Dear Vanessa,
Any woman will understand the hurt you are facing. He might not be doing anything with women other than flirting but then, cheating is not only when your partner sleeps with another woman. He needs to understand that flirting with women is not right. Keeping quiet all this time has been your biggest undoing, you should have spoken up earlier. I am sure you have heard that keep­ing things bottled up is never good for your health. I advise that you do not waste any more time; call him to­day, sit him down and pour out your heart! No woman wants her man to flirt because we are never sure where that is going to lead.
I add, however, that you reflect on your own behavior and check if you are the reason for his trifling. Do you ignore your husband or fail to join him in the things he likes to do? Maybe he just needs to be re-assured that he is still the fine man you fell for in the first place. Try to keep the romance alive in your marriage by finding ways to flirt with him yourself. Ask him if there is something he needs from you that you are not giving him.
I will also advise that you try as much as possible to stop looking through his phone. You do not need to add any stress to yourself, especially not in your condition. Anything un­acceptable needs to be dealt with in a way that is strong and self- assuring on your part. Just forget about snooping and make it clear to him that flirting with other women is unacceptable and damaging to your marriage. You both need to learn from this situation, dis­cover more about each other’s needs and work together to make your mar­riage stronger. I know that he hurt you and that the pain of reading his mes­sages may linger but you can use this pain to redefine your lives. It is tough of course, but it can be done. I wish you the best of luck.
I have known this man for sometime now. We work in the same office but in differ­ent departments and we see each other virtually everyday. There was a day we bumped into each other outside the office, got talk­ing and he asked for my number. We started texting each other and even flirted a bit via chat and be­fore I knew it, I fell for him.
However, when I opened up and told him I was in love with him, he told me he was not ready for a relationship now. To my shock, I recently found out he was in a relationship with another woman and it looks serious. When I con­fronted him, he didn’t deny the relationship but insisted that he still wanted me. I know I might sound crazy but I am actually in love with him still, but just can’t get him out of my mind. Please tell me how I can fall out of love with someone. I need help.
–Uche.
Dear Uche,
This is not going to end well. Be­ing in a relationship with someone works best when the two parties are attracted to each other, hold simi­lar feelings for each other and have equal amount of respect for each other. It is obvious you love him but it looks to me like he does not care for you at all! No one who does will treat you that way.
You need someone who loves you as much as you do and not someone who finds you optional. Real love is with someone who lightens your load when need arises. Until that love comes from a good partner who values you and sees how wonderful you are, get that love from family, friends and yourself.
The resolve to end this only lies with you, no one can tell you how to fall out of love. You just need to wake up to the reality of your situ­ation and get on with your life. Ev­ery relationship is a learning expe­rience. It is hard and it hurts but you have to let it go. Readjust your attention to what it means to be loved. Know your value and under­stand it. Realize that you are better off. You need to decide what you want and it looks like you want love but he is not going to give you that type of relationship. The more you try to push, the more you are going to get needy and desperate and then end up hurting yourself. If you want love, find someone that wants what you want, this guy won’t give it to you.