{RELATIONSHIP} Do not put yourself in a marriage of pain

Marriage and re­lationships are about caring and sharing. A stingy person from the beginning is bad news. If you meet someone who finds it extremely difficult to share anything they have with you, run away because they are not ready to make you a part of their lives.
Marriage means shar­ing your poverty or prosper­ity; lack or abundance as well as your joys and pain togeth­er. For that reason, if the part­ner you have found is always demanding from you, without giving anything back, it is bad news. Some people go to the extent of consistently borrow­ing to spend lavishly to prove a point to their partners. In such situations, whenever the per­son comes to you for money and you don’t have any, he or she gets upset. That is bad news and you must look for someone who is ready to share.

Sharing is a two-way affair that involves giving and receiv­ing. Therefore, if all that the male partner you have found does is to come to your house eats, belch and sleeps with you, that’s bad news. Those are the marks of an irresponsible man, right from the beginning. As a popular adage goes, ‘if the mar­ket day will be good’ it shows in the morning’. Early indica­tions or warning signals are im­portant.
A selfish person is likely to be selfish for the rest of his or her life. Such people will in­sist that if they give you one cedi, you render a full account of it. That kind of person will not make any financial con­tribution but will enjoy all the benefits of a relationship with­out having the courtesy to ask where the resources came from.
Marriage is sharing and not hiding what we have from each other.
Anybody who is irrespon­sible is not a good material for marriage. Marriage is about shared responsibility. We man­ifest responsibility in many ways, but primarily in how we take up the tasks that are ours-domestic or profession­al. If somebody does not know how to take care of his parents or siblings even when he is in a position to do so, he clearly shirks his responsibility. Simi­larly, people who do not know how to keep themselves well-dress their bed, brush their hair, wash their clothes or have their bath-are equally irresponsible. They don’t accept personal re­sponsibility for the tasks they have to perform in life.
It is okay to marry a poor person who is on the way to prosperity. However, it is unac­ceptable to marry a poor per­son who is content with pov­erty and does not make any attempt whatsoever to fight it. You may see a person who may not have much but is clear­ly hard-working and responsi­ble. People like that would be very diligent in business. Even from their veranda, they would organize extra classes, do some part time work or study to in­crease their worth in the fu­ture. You can easily see that even though their beginning is small, their end shall great­ly improve.
Unfortunately, there are some people who start small but end small because they are unable to identify opportuni­ties relative to their skills and responsibilities. Know some of these indicators so you don’t put yourself in a marriage of pain.
It is important for you to see early indicators of trouble in or­der to avoid it. Most religious books refer to the man as the head of the house, not because he is better than the woman but because of the major deci­sions to be made in the fami­ly are his responsibilities. Cul­turally, men play a dominant role and so are considered the head. Being the head means you must be able to make de­cisions; sometimes difficult ones and at short notice. You cannot afford to be indecisive and weak; because your wife and children depend on the choices you make.
In modern times, men are not the sole breadwinners. It is possible for a man to marry a woman who earns far more than he does. I think that a man in such a situation must not use it as an excuse for shirk­ing his responsibility, because primarily, the upkeep of the children must be the responsi­bility of the man. A man must earn enough to be able to take care of his children, because the children do not bear the name of their mother. They bear his name.
I think that unless you are incapacitated or something ter­rible has happened to you, you must earn enough to pay your children’s school fees and the house rent. Even if your wife can pay, you must bear that re­sponsibility as a man in order to maintain your honour as the head of your household.
On the other hand, when it comes to the management and appearance of the home, it is the responsibility of the wom­an. In spite of women’s libera­tion and all, if a house is dirty, it is the woman who should take the blame and not the man. Therefore, every woman must be able to manage a home and ensure that all areas, including the kitchen and toilets, are clean because you never know who is coming to visit and who may have need to use the washroom.
Successful marriages thrive on role differentiation with each partner taking respon­sibility for the aspects of the marriage that fall within his or her domain and faithfully ex­ecuting their duties. That can only be ensured if you look out for a responsible person right from the start.