Signs of a failing marriage {RELATIONSHIP} - EazyFeeds

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Saturday 16 July 2016

Signs of a failing marriage {RELATIONSHIP}

There is a prevailing wrong perception that a marriage can be de­scribed as a success once there is enough money for both parties and they have children.
Now, the question is this: “If money and children are the ma­jor instruments for measuring the success of marriage, how is it that billionaire couples still quarrel, separate, or even di­vorce, leaving their children to suffer hunger, poverty and ne­glect?
The failure of a marriage does not begin from the point of quarrel or separation of the parties.
It reflects from the in­gredients of the relationship. For instance, if you do not en­joy or feel excited about spend­ing quality time with your spouse, there is a problem. May­be you claim that two of you, or you particularly, are too busy, chasing money, or working to keep the home. Each time you travel, your spouse cannot tell when you will return. Even tel­ephone conversation while you are away is a battle. Your wom­an or man is married but lone­ly. Psychological and emotion­al demands are never met even though financial needs are sat­isfied. Such marriage is stand­ing on a sandy soil and it is just a matter of time, except the status changes, godly counsel is sought and God intervenes.
Perhaps, it is your children that never get your attention be­cause of work or business. You do not know or care about how they fare in school in terms of peer group influence, character or academic performance. You simply provide funds for the schooling. Maybe, they attend the most expensive school in town and you even boast about this to your colleagues and as­sociates. My friend, parenting goes beyond providing money for upkeep and school fees. It is a responsibility that requires de­liberate efforts for positive fu­ture gains. This is the internet age where ‘unparented’ chil­dren have the capacity to sepa­rate and even kill their parents. Check your marriage and fam­ily and be sure it is not failing already.
If you still live under the aged perception that children belong to one and not both of the parties in marriage, your marriage is in danger of failure. It is a big error for a husband or wife to use the term ‘his’ or ‘her’ children or ‘my’ children to refer to kids that they both had together. If you cannot re­fer to children as ‘our’ children when you are discussing with your spouse who you are legal­ly married to, your marriage has a problem.
A marriage is sick when a husband or wife is executing a project as big as a person­al building without the knowl­edge of his or her spouse.
“And the rib, which the Lord God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. And Adam said, this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. There­fore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh (Genesis 2:22-24).
If two of you have not be­come one to the extent of being naked (financially) to each oth­er, you need counselling.
If your spouse has sudden­ly and strangely, started hiding vital information regarding his or her activities and plans from you, there are measures to take. First, check yourself. Are there things that you are doing that could have led to the sudden change of attitude? Address them.
Another measure is to ap­proach him or her with love and persuasion for enquiry as to what led to the sudden change of attitude. You could also check whether his friends and associ­ates have changed. A new set of friends and associates could have influenced your spouse’s character. How about recent re­lationship with your in-laws? It is possible that his or her rela­tives have influenced his or her attitude.
Finally, marital relationship, irrespective of its age, has failed when Jesus Christ is absent.
“For other foundation can no man lay than that is laid which is Jesus Christ” (1 Cor­inthians 3:11).
The reign of Christ in your marriage is not difficult to de­termine. Check your marital or premarital relationship wheth­er it involves lying to each other, defrauding each other in finan­cial dealings, disrespecting each other openly, hurting each other physically and emotionally and so on. This is simply a reflection of the absence of individual re­lationship with God. God is love and love is God. “He that loveth not knoweth not God for God is love” (1John 4:8).
In a relationship where God rules, love rules. Where the love of God prevails, most of the above mentioned attributes of a failed or failing marriage can­not be mentioned.
“Submitting yourselves to one another in the fear of God. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore, as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church, and gave himself for it. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the wash­ing of water by the word. That he might present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle or any such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hateth his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church” (Ephesians 5:21-29 KJV).
Read more details in the book, MAKING YOUR MAR­RIAGE WORK by Albinus Chiedu.
Your marriage shall be a miracle and a testimony in Je­sus name. (Amen).

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